Naughty flirt finder
My young daughters have accused me of repeatedly flirting with one male teacher in particular.
And of showing them up by crying my way through school concerts and shows. Yet for all the women I now pretend not to have seen while out shopping for groceries in our village, I also have a handful of dear friends who I know only because our children were in the same class.
I will try to conduct myself among the other mothers with dignity and maturity, be better organised where school matters are concerned and rather less aggressive when asked to help out at the school fair.
Realistically speaking, none of the above will ever happen.
Despite my occasional run-ins, I have, above all, felt my girls to be in very safe hands.
Meanwhile, I've gone from wearing miniskirts to sensible knee-lengths (other mums of a certain age should take note).
This is a journey that started when my eldest girl, Bronte, enrolled in the reception class in 1999.
Back then I was just 30, a relatively new mum to a four-year-old and small baby, with a somewhat romanticised idea of what school life as a parent would be like.
I also remain deeply touched by the genuine love and affection they have shown my daughters over the years.
I promptly resigned, and rebuffed any subsequent requests to help out at school fundraisers with a curt 'I leave that to the mums who don't work'. During intervening years I've crossed swords with several members of staff as my daughters made their way through the school.
I've ranted when episodes of bullying, I've felt, have been horribly mismanaged.
Tomorrow - like thousands of other parents - I will collect my ten-year-old daughter Merrily from her primary school for the last time.
It marks the end of an era, and will incite mixed emotions: sadness as I say goodbye to yet another part of my little girl's childhood, and relief that a decade-long stint at the school gates has finally come to an end.Seemingly innocent conversations about who put what in their little one's lunchbox quickly separated the organic mums from the chicken nugget brigade.